I'm currently learning how to open my heart to other people. It's a beautiful experience, enriching my days with love and an openness to exploring new possibilities. It has given me an opportunity to envelope myself in joy, awe, and goodness as I invest time in satiating my curiosities. It has also opened me up to the negativity many people exude on a very consistent basis. I don't know if they are aware of all the negativity they radiate and all the needless stress they build in themselves and in others around them. It's like they have made negativity such a habit, they don't even realize that they are directly contributing to their own misery and to the unfortunate things that they think is happening to them instead of being an active participant in these unwanted circumstances or situations. Based on my history of doing the same thing, they probably don't realize it.
I'm glad that I am more conscious of the good and of the negativity in others. I feel like I may be more susceptible to the influence of the negativity now that I'm more aware of it, but this is not true. Just because I'm more aware of it, this doesn't mean that I am more prone to its influence on my own positivity levels and on my perspective. I was just as prone to it before. Perhaps more so, since I was unable to recognize it and work to eliminate it from my life. I allowed it to wrap my mood up in its spiny clutches and infect my perception of life. Now that I can see it, I am more capable of halting it and avoiding it.
What is quite difficult to manage is working at a news station. For eight hours a day, five days a week, I am surrounded by negativity -- the type that is impossible to escape. Every day has a story about people dying or being maimed -- fiery car wrecks, being shot, stabbed, beaten, tortured, suicide, double murders, triple murders, murder sprees, little girls stabbing other little girls to death because they "wanted to know what it felt like." Everywhere are stories of animal abuse, child abuse, rape, child molestation, theft, burglary, fires, arson, political scandals, government failures, corporate bailouts, weather woes, national disasters, suicide bombings, floods, drug busts... I used to deal with this stress by numbing myself, focusing on the task at hand (making or playing computer graphics), talking to my coworkers about something else if we can multitask, trying to find something humorous about the story, or trying to find a way to justify the pain someone else must be experiencing. None of it worked and some of it was even damaging to my character. I would numb up at the sight of pain and make fun of it. My coping mechanisms could not deter the negativity and stress from affecting me in very resounding ways. I frequently lashed out at people for minor mistakes, always carrying with me a weighty load of anger, resentment and negativity. It's exhausting hauling all that around and then trying to find a way to be happy when I was around other people that I care about.
Now that I am more open, I feel the negativity hit that much harder. I have so much love and compassion for all these people and animals who suffer, and I must witness their suffering several times a day, sometimes several times a week, that I feel that much more exhausted following a work day.
I want nothing more than to flee. However, I have important payments to keep making. Should I just stick it out until my debts are settled and see this as a challenge to be able to face negativity with more resolve?
I hope I can.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The Deliciousness of Simplicity
Almost nothing is as beautiful or enjoyable as the simple things in life.
 |
| Like a good snug lounge |
 |
| Or yummy oranges outside on an unusually warm January day |
 |
| Mmmmm, goodness incarnate |
 |
| Or bird watching |
 |
| Or waiting (im)patiently to be let outside for a little romp in the grass |
 |
| Or an afternoon nap in your box fort |
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Nationalism is a Disease
I do not love my country.
What I love are the people who care for others despite the glaring differences that attempt to deprive them of a spiritual and very real connection. If those people happen to reside in my nation, my state, or my city, then it is only by coincidence that I love them as well.
Compassion for every living being should be fostered because we are all one, not because we share superficial commonalities.
Nationalism promotes the "us vs. them" mentality. It's a symptom of the negative mindset that seeks to belong through the method of defining differences between us all. It seeks to narrow our vision of who to include in our lives and it constrains our love as it seeks to exclude the majority of life on earth. It's a survival technique that our very social species has developed in order to increase the changes of our tribe's success. But it does nothing for our thriving. I believe we can survive and indeed thrive more efficiently now if we expand our tribe, the "us," to include all of humanity -- indeed, all of life in general. All of us are capable of gifting that much love. It's more of a matter of whether or not we are all willing to gift that much love and doing so despite it being somewhat socially unacceptable.
If you do not believe that you could ever see through the "other's" differences, take note from research conducted by psychologist, Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D. According to her "broaden-and-build" theory of positive emotions, incorporating positivity in your life helps to close the gap formed in our minds between "me" and "them," whether the others are those who are already close to you in your life or complete strangers.
Nationalism, xenophobia, us vs. them, tribalism -- all of these methods of closing off other human beings from our lives due to our differences that we happened to be born with destroy our potential for greatness in our global community.
What I love are the people who care for others despite the glaring differences that attempt to deprive them of a spiritual and very real connection. If those people happen to reside in my nation, my state, or my city, then it is only by coincidence that I love them as well.
Compassion for every living being should be fostered because we are all one, not because we share superficial commonalities.
Nationalism promotes the "us vs. them" mentality. It's a symptom of the negative mindset that seeks to belong through the method of defining differences between us all. It seeks to narrow our vision of who to include in our lives and it constrains our love as it seeks to exclude the majority of life on earth. It's a survival technique that our very social species has developed in order to increase the changes of our tribe's success. But it does nothing for our thriving. I believe we can survive and indeed thrive more efficiently now if we expand our tribe, the "us," to include all of humanity -- indeed, all of life in general. All of us are capable of gifting that much love. It's more of a matter of whether or not we are all willing to gift that much love and doing so despite it being somewhat socially unacceptable.
If you do not believe that you could ever see through the "other's" differences, take note from research conducted by psychologist, Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D. According to her "broaden-and-build" theory of positive emotions, incorporating positivity in your life helps to close the gap formed in our minds between "me" and "them," whether the others are those who are already close to you in your life or complete strangers.
Nationalism, xenophobia, us vs. them, tribalism -- all of these methods of closing off other human beings from our lives due to our differences that we happened to be born with destroy our potential for greatness in our global community.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Resolutions
Positivity has been my main focus thus far since the end of last year (2011) and has been integrated into my New Year's Resolutions. I typically forgo making resolutions, since the statistical probability of keeping them is so low. This year, however, I recognize that this is not a resolution that will be traditionally started at the dawn of the New Year only to fade with the waning enthusiasm most people are all too familiar with. I think that if you are going to resolve to change something about yourself for the better, it should be a day-by-day lifetime goal. In other words, you should strive to make your resolutions something tangible, realistic, active, and something that you can focus on every day while maintaining the notion that this is something that will last you for the rest of your life.We should strive to make Life Resolutions.
Positivity is something that I have intertwined with every variable of my existence. Being more positive, while leaving myself enough room to be human, is my Life Resolution. All other resolutions stem from this one. Positivity is like the roots and trunk of a tree. My other goals are the branches, emerald leaves, and eventually the white buds in full bloom.
One of my branching resolutions is creating and maintaining more interests. That includes learning how to play the piano, writing creative nonfiction (my favorite form of literature), painting glass dishware, taking more creative photos, reading and learning more about the world and other people, and learning how to cook, to name a few. All of these interests will be naturally maintained and built upon and expanded as time goes on, just like how answering one question spurs a whole new set of questions to be investigated. I will follow my curiosity and play with a childlike heart.
Another branch concerns my physical well-being. Speaking with friends and family, I have been introduced to several key factors to creating a more physically healthy lifestyle. For instance, my friend Larry explained to me what he does for his body, eating two healthy meals a day, eating like a diabetic and avoiding all (absolutely ALL) fried foods. Whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and a helping of fish was recommended. I enjoy the notion of eating like a diabetic before the potential onset of diabetes. What better way to prevent a slightly quality-deficient life than to behave like you already have that illness? (Thank you for your helpful advice, Larry!)
Of course, it's not just about food. It's also about avoiding the plague of sedentariness with a healthy dose of enjoyable exercise. For me, that would be walking at a pace of 3.5-4mph at an incline (or outside) for 20-45 minutes every day. It puts my muscles to work, it boosts my cardiovascular health, it helps prevent illness, it increases blood flow to the brain, it revs up my energy for the rest of the day, and it provides me with the opportunity to meditate (also another branch). When I treat exercise with the mindset that weight loss is a bonus, I find that I become far less frustrated with the activity, which then creates a positive association with exercise, and I find that I am more likely to do it far more often.
As mentioned above, another branch that I am working on is my spiritual growth.
Yeah, I know, I'm an atheist. I think it's very unlikely that actual "spirits" exist, as defined as a supernatural entity, or a "soul." "Spiritual" is a term that I use loosely, mostly in the emotional sense, attempting to balance my emotions and experience that connection with other people, the world and the universe. Here's something that Michael Shermer wrote regarding an atheist's spiritual nature.
This resolution to pay more attention to my spirituality, focusing on my connection with everything and everyone else outside of my concept of "me," takes place when I read about or watch documentaries concerning the universe. I find that the science behind much of what we do understand and what we still have yet to understand to be a fascinating and flavorful method to feeling more in touch with life. As well as this, when I exercise, I meditate. I focus on my body's movements, on my breathing, on the music, and on the good things in my life and all the goods things that I hope will come. That, on top of the endorphins raging through my brain, always makes me feel incredible after a good walk.
There are so many more branches of resolutions that I'm working on right now, that it would take so long for me to name them all.
I think it's very important to have a sturdy foundation when resolving to change your life for the better. If your changes are based on fleeting, superficial desires or on an unreasonable expectation of what you think you can achieve, I think it would be more difficult for you to keep or enhance your determination for a better life. Basing it on something as simple and overreaching as positivity, I think, seems pretty realistic and stable. It's something that connects all of my resolutions together beautifully, and it doesn't demand anything from me that I cannot give.
Positivity is something that I have intertwined with every variable of my existence. Being more positive, while leaving myself enough room to be human, is my Life Resolution. All other resolutions stem from this one. Positivity is like the roots and trunk of a tree. My other goals are the branches, emerald leaves, and eventually the white buds in full bloom.
One of my branching resolutions is creating and maintaining more interests. That includes learning how to play the piano, writing creative nonfiction (my favorite form of literature), painting glass dishware, taking more creative photos, reading and learning more about the world and other people, and learning how to cook, to name a few. All of these interests will be naturally maintained and built upon and expanded as time goes on, just like how answering one question spurs a whole new set of questions to be investigated. I will follow my curiosity and play with a childlike heart.
Another branch concerns my physical well-being. Speaking with friends and family, I have been introduced to several key factors to creating a more physically healthy lifestyle. For instance, my friend Larry explained to me what he does for his body, eating two healthy meals a day, eating like a diabetic and avoiding all (absolutely ALL) fried foods. Whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and a helping of fish was recommended. I enjoy the notion of eating like a diabetic before the potential onset of diabetes. What better way to prevent a slightly quality-deficient life than to behave like you already have that illness? (Thank you for your helpful advice, Larry!)
Of course, it's not just about food. It's also about avoiding the plague of sedentariness with a healthy dose of enjoyable exercise. For me, that would be walking at a pace of 3.5-4mph at an incline (or outside) for 20-45 minutes every day. It puts my muscles to work, it boosts my cardiovascular health, it helps prevent illness, it increases blood flow to the brain, it revs up my energy for the rest of the day, and it provides me with the opportunity to meditate (also another branch). When I treat exercise with the mindset that weight loss is a bonus, I find that I become far less frustrated with the activity, which then creates a positive association with exercise, and I find that I am more likely to do it far more often.
As mentioned above, another branch that I am working on is my spiritual growth.
Yeah, I know, I'm an atheist. I think it's very unlikely that actual "spirits" exist, as defined as a supernatural entity, or a "soul." "Spiritual" is a term that I use loosely, mostly in the emotional sense, attempting to balance my emotions and experience that connection with other people, the world and the universe. Here's something that Michael Shermer wrote regarding an atheist's spiritual nature.
This resolution to pay more attention to my spirituality, focusing on my connection with everything and everyone else outside of my concept of "me," takes place when I read about or watch documentaries concerning the universe. I find that the science behind much of what we do understand and what we still have yet to understand to be a fascinating and flavorful method to feeling more in touch with life. As well as this, when I exercise, I meditate. I focus on my body's movements, on my breathing, on the music, and on the good things in my life and all the goods things that I hope will come. That, on top of the endorphins raging through my brain, always makes me feel incredible after a good walk.
There are so many more branches of resolutions that I'm working on right now, that it would take so long for me to name them all.
I think it's very important to have a sturdy foundation when resolving to change your life for the better. If your changes are based on fleeting, superficial desires or on an unreasonable expectation of what you think you can achieve, I think it would be more difficult for you to keep or enhance your determination for a better life. Basing it on something as simple and overreaching as positivity, I think, seems pretty realistic and stable. It's something that connects all of my resolutions together beautifully, and it doesn't demand anything from me that I cannot give.
 |
| One of the branches of resolutions includes incorporating this in my daily routine! As I progress, I would love to share my images with all of you! :-) |
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Today is a Good Day
Yesterday did not bode so well for me. It was dark, dreary, and enmeshed with a negativity that I find repulsive. Despite my best efforts, like focusing on reading, taking a walk, practicing the piano a bit, and trying to think of good things, I could not escape the boundaries of negativity. The culprit? Not enough sleep. I think I achieved snoozing for maybe about three hours tops before laying awake in a seemingly perpetual state of anxiety. I even started feeling nauseous when dawn broke. So the no-Z's coupled with the prolonged anxiety attack led to a most disappointing day.
This morning, however, I woke up to my kitty, Bowie, resting at my side and the sun streaming in on an unusually warm January day. Immediately, and without forced provocation, a smile danced lazily on my lips. I felt so rejuvenated! I propped myself up in bed and read/contemplated on my book "Positivity" for about half an hour. While looking up and out my window in a contemplative state, I could see the wooden fence in the backyard. Beyond the fence is a well-traveled back road that I sometimes take walks on and beyond that is a large field where cows occasionally come to graze. At that moment, I witnessed a man between the fence posts in shorts and a white T-shirt jog along the back road through the spaces. I got that feeling that one gets when spring crests on the blustery winter horizon. I felt a shift, and I decided to embrace it. I bounced out of bed, careful not to disturb Bowie, kissed him on his furry forehead, and changed clothes to mimic that of the jogger's. With iPod ear buds secured in my ears, I walked my treadmill on an incline at a pace of around 4mph for half an hour. I never regret a morning sweat session, but I find that I always dearly regret not taking the effort upon myself to exercise.
Everything else feels more manageable. Problems to be worried about become challenges to learn from. Energy seems boundless. Beauty more readily reveals itself. I have a better, more healthy grasp on myself and how I react to events outside and within myself. Since I regularly suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety, these shifts are esential for my mental, physical, emotional, and social well-being.
This morning, however, I woke up to my kitty, Bowie, resting at my side and the sun streaming in on an unusually warm January day. Immediately, and without forced provocation, a smile danced lazily on my lips. I felt so rejuvenated! I propped myself up in bed and read/contemplated on my book "Positivity" for about half an hour. While looking up and out my window in a contemplative state, I could see the wooden fence in the backyard. Beyond the fence is a well-traveled back road that I sometimes take walks on and beyond that is a large field where cows occasionally come to graze. At that moment, I witnessed a man between the fence posts in shorts and a white T-shirt jog along the back road through the spaces. I got that feeling that one gets when spring crests on the blustery winter horizon. I felt a shift, and I decided to embrace it. I bounced out of bed, careful not to disturb Bowie, kissed him on his furry forehead, and changed clothes to mimic that of the jogger's. With iPod ear buds secured in my ears, I walked my treadmill on an incline at a pace of around 4mph for half an hour. I never regret a morning sweat session, but I find that I always dearly regret not taking the effort upon myself to exercise.
Everything else feels more manageable. Problems to be worried about become challenges to learn from. Energy seems boundless. Beauty more readily reveals itself. I have a better, more healthy grasp on myself and how I react to events outside and within myself. Since I regularly suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety, these shifts are esential for my mental, physical, emotional, and social well-being.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Rescued
There is something deeply rejuvenating about diving into a task or a hobby, becoming completely enveloped in the activity. These are the moments when time is only recognized as "now," and when space is a concept that is foreign outside of what you are doing. Sometimes when I feel my mind wander into territories all to familiar and painful, territories that are bereft of any real warmth or spark and laden with pitfalls and traps, I find it difficult to escape. I find myself circling this territory within its terrifying boundaries, afraid of what's going to happen, what already did happen and wondering how the hell I'm going to get out. All I need to do is look up, take a good look around, and see the things that I have to be grateful for. If I just looked up, I would notice a clear path toward a more calm and giving environment. It is in these moments of losing myself totally to the activity that I am impassioned about that I find myself walking on that path and escaping this never-ending sense of dread and anxiety.
I paint, I write, I walk, I'm teaching myself how to play the piano on an electric keyboard. I just finished a lesson in Harmonic 4ths and 5ths. The piece chosen for the lesson? Jingle Bells.
I remember when I was learning how to type on a keyboard in elementary school. I was the fastest in the class to get it down pat. I breezed through all the lessons instructed by the computer program and reached the point where I could look up at a sentence away from the keyboard and type quickly and efficiently. While everyone else whiled away at their lessons, I was stuck in the classroom, playing some old detective game while the rest of the students caught up.
I've been typing like a mad woman ever since. But now that I've come across a different kind of keyboard -- one composed of a different kind of harmony -- I have to repeat those lessons again. I'm brought back to those first days in that typing class when I was first learning where the "Home Base" for my fingers went, where all the other keys were positioned, the most efficient ways of reaching the other keys and still knowing where my hands were, and using both hands at the same time to type. I completely forgot how hard it was to first learn to type with both hands. I can thank Jingle Bells for reminding me.
My point is, though, that I had a blast learning it! It's new and challenging and it rescues me from this unwelcoming place in my mind where havoc wreaks on the daily. This anxiety wants to pull me down into a darkness that will eat me alive. But I have my curiosity about the world and a growing sense of positivity to help yank me from the darker depths of my weird, twisted little mind.
I paint, I write, I walk, I'm teaching myself how to play the piano on an electric keyboard. I just finished a lesson in Harmonic 4ths and 5ths. The piece chosen for the lesson? Jingle Bells.
I remember when I was learning how to type on a keyboard in elementary school. I was the fastest in the class to get it down pat. I breezed through all the lessons instructed by the computer program and reached the point where I could look up at a sentence away from the keyboard and type quickly and efficiently. While everyone else whiled away at their lessons, I was stuck in the classroom, playing some old detective game while the rest of the students caught up.
I've been typing like a mad woman ever since. But now that I've come across a different kind of keyboard -- one composed of a different kind of harmony -- I have to repeat those lessons again. I'm brought back to those first days in that typing class when I was first learning where the "Home Base" for my fingers went, where all the other keys were positioned, the most efficient ways of reaching the other keys and still knowing where my hands were, and using both hands at the same time to type. I completely forgot how hard it was to first learn to type with both hands. I can thank Jingle Bells for reminding me.
My point is, though, that I had a blast learning it! It's new and challenging and it rescues me from this unwelcoming place in my mind where havoc wreaks on the daily. This anxiety wants to pull me down into a darkness that will eat me alive. But I have my curiosity about the world and a growing sense of positivity to help yank me from the darker depths of my weird, twisted little mind.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)