The Art of Ambiguity

When Deepak was asked a question regarding one person's dilemma that involves feeling a bit anxious and out of control on Oprah's website, his response is vague and ultimately unhelpful. Oh, the convenience of ambiguity! You can say whatever you want, toss in some common sense with a dash of spiritual claptrap and sprinkle on a coating of confidence and you, too, can sound mystically profound! Unfortunately, if you were looking for evidence-backed advice for practical daily use, you're shit out of luck!

"Stand in front of the mirror and decide when you want to get serious." Is that not why this person wrote in for help? Oh, I see: they were just procrastinating getting help. I often request advice for a legitimate problem when I'm not serious about it. "At that moment, help will come, and so will change." (Cue puff of smoke as Deepak disappears into the night)

Alright. I'll stop picking on Deepak. Maybe I'm just being too cynical? After all, he may have something here. Let's try it out and see where it goes, shall we?

I stood in front of a mirror when I felt particularly anxious about something -- the direction that my writing was going was unsatisfactory, for instance. Alright, let's get serious, then! I looked at my reflection, dead in the reversed image of my eyes, and said aloud, "I'm ready to get serious...right now!"

If there had been a cricket in the room, now would be an appropriate time to start chirping. Yeah, OK, I've established my sincerity for needing help. So where was it? Maybe I'm supposed to be outside so I can see it when it falls from the sky? Am I standing the right way? I'll try standing more to my left. Hm, nope, still no help. Would I recognize it if it came? I started imagining a small garden gnome waddling toward me with an envelope in its paint-cracked hands -- the envelope would hold the secret to my temporary writer's block. I checked around the room, giving it a once-over look. Nope, no gnomes with envelopes.

Change will come? I rolled my eyes.

Yes, of course change will come. Change always comes. Nothing ever stays the same. For instance, I'm one minute older and feel one iota dumber for having done this. See? I have changed!!

So many people get away with offering bullshit advice like this all of the time, keeping their vocabulary purposely vague to stimulate the reader's imagination. The reader, then, will see the pattern and the solution that they've just imagined, and then credit the adviser for their pseudo-spiritual nugget of advice. Genius! You mean you can write any vague, positive bullshit, conveniently omitting any specific actions one may take in order to improve their mentality or their lives, letting the reader indulge in filling in the blanks, and then get credit for having helped them?! And then these people will willingly pay you to tell them things they already know? Where the hell do I sign up??!